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Mongol Rally 2009
I signed up for Mongol Rally in late 2008 and trust me that gives you a LOT of thinking time before leaving pretty much a whole year later on July 2009.
I kept a diary on the trip but for reasons I can't remember (though probably tiredness) I stopped sometime around reaching the Russian/Mongolian Border. I did continue to use Twitter all the way to the end, so here's my diary and tweets.

Diary

Tweets

July 14 2009 > Have got ninety percent of what I'm taking packed, bagged and boxed ready to put in he car on Friday morning.
July 16 2009 > Raring to go!
July 19 2009 > 2:30 local time. Time to find somewhere to camp.

Thursday, 21 August 2008
Have signed up to do the Mongol Rally.

Saturday, 13 December 2008
We went to the first official Mongol Rally 2009 meeting in Bristol. Met up with some nice teams who we'll make sure we keep in touch with.

Monday, 19 January 2009
I was talking to John Hardiman of "Wexford to Mongolia" and he suggest a few teams all go camping in Wales to try that sort of thing out. Sounds like good fun.

Tuesday, 5 May 2009
Kieran and me drove up to look at a car. My mechanical know-how being virtually non-existent meant that it looked fine to me but Kieran pointed out some lights that were flashing in a way that was "Not Good". We decided against it.

We needed visas for Kazakhstan, Russia, Uzbekistan, Kyrgyzstan and Mongolia. Disappointingly pricey at just over £400 each, they are now in the hands of the Visa Gods. Okay, not the Visa Gods - The Adventurists Visa Service.

It's hard to know what the genuine risks are when you're going to places outside of Europe. Sure Mongolia suffers from plague in August, but really - are you likely to catch it? So what vaccinations to have?

Friday, 17 July 2009
England
Tweet > Off to the Ace Cafe!
Tweet > We've arrived Goodwood Racing, Sussex.
Tweet > Grabbing stuff from Halfords to stop the car leaking.
Tweet > Cold. In a tent. Not even leaving England until tomorrow. So tired.

Saturday, 18 July 2009
England > France > Germany
Anyone fancy a drive to Mongolia?

Atfer a lap of Goodwood racing circuit we left behind family and friends and towards the channel tunnel. We got an earlier crossing and before long we were in France. We drove and drove and drove and by around 3am when we were just too tired to do any more driving we found a very cheap hotel and crashed.

Tweet > Today we got to foreign lands.
Tweet > On the train waiting to head to France.

Sunday, 19 July 2009
Germany > Czech Republic
Woke up at 11am. Bitten by bed bugs. A good nights sleep though. Breakfast in Burger King and an eight hour drive to Prague.

We arrived at the "Czech Inn". Really nice open plan apartments. We're not due in Klatovy for the Czech-Out party until about 7:30pm tomrrow so we'll spend the day in Prague before driving down.

Monday, 20 July 2009
Czech Republic
Asleep by 3am and up by 9:30. Had a shower (no doubt the last for a while) and packed up my stuff. Met the others (Tim, Debbie) for breakfast.

Had a nice walk around the town square. Bought some cannabis tea. Tasted quite nice. Had an equally nice pizza.

Wandered off with Cillian to find the Kafka statue. Having found it we got a taxi back to the hostel to grab our stuff and head to the castle at Klatovy for the evenings party.

En-route to the castle steam started to come out of Tim Debbie's car so we all pulled over. Added water, coolant/anti-freeze to top it up and we carried on to Klenova Castle at Klatovy.

I was travelling in the TranSiberian Train Spotters car when it started to bunny hop badly. It really struggled to get up the hill to the castle. We finally got there around 10:30pm. Loud music. Got to sleep at 7am. Mile Counter: 1,010

Tweet > Nice sleep, shower and breakfast. Off into Prague to find the Kafka museum.
Tweet > Really quite warm.
Tweet > Waking round the town square. Had some cannabis tea. Tasted quite nice.
Tweet > Back to the hostel to grab our stuff then a two and a half hour drive to the castle in Klatovy for a party.
Tweet > After stopping to watch steam coming put of Tim and Debbie's bonnet we're now back en-route to the castle.
Tweet > One of the cars convoying with us is seemingly in a BAD way. How long do we hold back and wait to see if it's fixable?
Tweet > Or - at worst - replaceable.

Tuesday, 21 July 2009
Czech Republic
So, we're still in Prague then.

After two-and-a-half hours of sleep I got up at 9:30am

We started at the ailing Terios and decided to find a local Toyota garage. After finding a Toyota dealership in Prague the mechanics peered dubiously under the bonnet and told us it should be scrapped. Arse. Options? New car? If so, then import documentation for Mongolia? How to register a new owner. Buying a new car sounded expensive so John and Cillian decidede to wing it and just drive the old one.

Rattle. Rattle. Thunk. Thunk.

Tweet > 6am. What to do with John and Cillian's potentially done-for car?

Wednesday, 22 July 2009
Czech Republic
We'd got some miles behind us the day before and had stayed at a small campsite called 'Santa Barbara' . Our convoy of five teams drove the 5km to the 'Bone church'. I drove for about seven hours and by 6:30pm we were at the Auschwitz holocaust museum. Standing in a gas chamber and seeing the ovens was an unsurprisingly grim experience. The museum was closing down and I found myself walking past some horrible photos when the lights went out and I was thrown into complete darkness. The longest ten seconds of my live passed before they came on again. "Sorry, we were closing." the caretaker said. I bet he does the same thing to people every evening.

Had a pizza and headed towards the Ukrainian border.

We managed to get about 100km away by midnight and pulled over to camp on the side of the road.

Friday, 24 July 2009
Czech Republic > Ukraine
Off to Chernigov...

Pulled over for a late breakfast of orange juice and borscht. 90p or so. So cheap and so tasty.

Lots of the gardens we were driving past had livestocks. Cows, chickens and the like. Most gardens were also chock full of vegetables.

The bus shelters were decorated with colourful mosaics and each was as different as the next.

The Cyrillic alphabet is a nightmare. "P" is really "R" but oddly "P" is still the universal symbol for parking.

When we reached Kiev we split from the convoy with John in the ailing Terios and us heading North to stay the night with Kieran's friends in Chernigov. In the morning we'd transfer the roofrack from the Terios onto our Micra, Ted, and move as much of John's kit into ours. We could then give John's car to a local orphanage.

The apartment was in a block of flats with a large bomb shelter at its base. Apparently this is the norm. Lovely people set up with poppy seed rolls, potato and herb things. They left us alone to sleep (no idea where they went).

Saturday, 25 July 2009
Ukraine
Two cars into one...

Woke to a light breakfast. Went back to the car in its secure parking. We pared down what we were carrying. Took the roof rack off the Terios and put it onto the much small Micra. It was hot work in the baking sun. With that job done the car was sent off to a local orphanage. John joined us in our car and we set off further into the seemingly endless Ukraine.

Sunday, 26 July 2009
Ukraine
A really uneventful day. You don't realise how big the Ukraine is until you have drive across it. Mile after mile, ever onwards to the Russian Border. All the hotels were full so we found a field and set up camp

Monday, 27 July 2009
Ukraine > Russia
The continued push to the border. Finally, after many rubbish roads we got to the border at 2:30pm. By 4:30pm the other teams have caught up and we all drive to the beginning of customs together.

We took our V5, Ukranian exit bit of paper and passports to the window. The guy behind the glass pointed at our Ukranian transit visa stamp. "Three days. You here six. Little problem." It was actually five but still obviously not three. He sent us over for insurance and we filed over to a shed to get what probably isn't worth the paper it's written on. Insurance for Russia $60 for two weeks. We'll need to get more when we re-enter Russia.

We took our insurance back to the border guard thinging we could move on to the next stage. No. He pointed to the "three day transit" visa again. Despite our being Europeans and therefore entitlede to thirty days is will still "a problem". We back back to our car. Phone calls were made and after fifteen minutes we were beckoned over. "$20 make the problem go away". Out first non-speeding bribe. We probably could have sat it out but between three of us it was only about £4 each and didn't seem worth it.

Bribe paid we moved on to the second stage of trying to leave the Ukraine.

The guards were more friendly this time and were seemingly coin collectors (not a euphemism for theives) and wanted to swap an Irish Euro for a Ukranian coin. I gave them a sew on patch with the Union Jack on. All was good and we drove the short distance to Russian border control.

As the registered owner of the our vehicle I was taken into a room to fill in a form. The Russian guard was pretty helpful. After a brief mishap with ticking a box saying we had no communication equipment (we had the CB Radio) and my using the internationally recognised mime for 'we only use our CD radios inside Europe) I was sent to another room where a big burly guy typed the details from the form into his computer, printed out another form and got my to sign it and then proceeded to stamp the hell out of it. Oh how they love stamping things. Suddenly he thrusted the form at me and bellowed "BYE! GO!". It was very hard not to laugh. We drove through the barrier. We were in Russia! Only four hours to get through customers. Not bad at all.

We drove until abotu 11pm until we foudn a bar and ordered food.
,br> I popped out to the car to get some musatrd (as you do) and saw one of the Irish guys chatting to a bunch of Russians. One called Vladimir kept shaking my hand and saying "We best friends." In the spirit of international relations I said "Yes" and spent the next half and hour getting asked for my mobile number.

He seemed very keen that we all go swimming in a local river at one in the morning in some town I didn't know. It really didn't seem like the best way to spend the evening.

We left by 2am or so to try and find a field to camp in. We were flagged down by a policeman who just seemed curious and didn't seem bothered that women had drawn various things on our windscreen in lipstick.

At last we found a field. It was about 3am.

Tweet > In a field on the Uzbekistan / Russian border drinking tea out of a bowl before going through the looking glass.
Tweet > 2:30pm and all we've had for food is a cup of tea. It's the infamous Mongol Rally diet.
TWeet > Watching a man herd geese with a whip whilst waiting for more teams to turn up so we can cross the border together.
Tweet > Trying to leave Ukraine. Three day transit visa but this is day five. May be s problem even though as Europeans we should get thirty days.
Tweet > A nod, a wink and a ten dollar bribe... Now in no mans land waiting to try and get into Russia.
Tweet > Sat in room with various Russian peeps and filled out car related forms. Fours hours in total and we're now in Russia!
Tweet > Russian border guard came over to find put why I was taking photos near a border. I showed him a picture of a dog and he went away again.
Tweet > In the world's loudest bar trying to figure out if a photo is fish, chicken or some as yet identified animal.
Tweet > Best guess having tasted it is that it's chicken mixed with honey puffs. Ride to get some American mustard from the car?
TWeet > Why does a drunk Russian man keep asking for my phone number? It's all getting odd.
Tweet > We find ourselves in a Russian field. We were pulled over by the police but all is well.
TWeet > It appears a prostitute has written her number on our windscreen in lipstick. Which is odd. I only wanted a cup of tea.

Tuesday, 28 July 2009
Russia
Tweet > On the road again. Headed for Volgograd.
Tweet > 50km from Volgograd.
Tweet > Russia is pretty grim. Vast swathes of grimness.
Tweet > Half past midnight. Waiting on some kebabs. Day in Volgograd planned for tomorrow.Driving round Volgograd trying to fund a hotel. Any hotel. Just one. Please?
Tweet > 1am. No sign of kebabs.

Wednesday, 29 July 2009
Russia
We got a taxi into town to look for Russian hats (as I promised to buy Max one). We walked over to see the Mother Russia statue (or rather than better translation, the Mother Homeland statue) and to the eternal flame at Mamayev Kurgan.

We were wandering around looking at the sites when word came through that because our newly acquired travel companion wasn't allowed to leave Russia due his giving away his car in the Ukraine. The car had now become flagged as stolten. He was, we were told, now a fugitive in Russia. We went to lunch. Whilst waiting for steak whilst John phoned the Irish embassy in Ukraine about being a fugitive in Russia. Between a fixer in Ukraine and the number for some top guy in the Irish government it was turning into an interesting afternoon. The basic details from the embassy were for John to get out of Russia and fast.

I hung around with some of the teams in a square in front of the "Museum of Tractor factory" and Kieran sped him to the airport. He was given a police escort, though i'm not quite sure why since the police were out to arrest John. We also heard news that another team was rushed to hospital with rabies after being bitten by a dog. Good times.

11:30pm local time. Very heavy rain. We tried to decide whether to push on for drier roads and camp or find a cheap hotel. Best make a cup of tea and ponder it was the plan.

Thursday, 30 July 2009
Russia > Kazakhstan
We woke up in yet another field. A lot of driving lay ahead with another push for yet another border. The Russian/Kazakzstan. We'd driven 3,548 miles since home and that was more-than-likely not even half way to our destination. We were hoping for a quick border crossing but this wasn't to be.

The Russian/Kazakzstan border was undoubtedly the most miserable experience of the trip. The guard had obviously been given something nice as a bribe by a previous team and kept pointing through the window into the back of the car saying "Gift!". We needed everything we had and didn't have anything to give away as a gift. He gave me a phone and said "Speak!". I listened. The phone was dead. Was this some sort of ctazy mind game? My tired mind couldn't fathom out what was going on. I held the phone to my ear and pretended to speak for a bit. I gave the phone back and the guard went back to this "Gift!" spiel pushing his face right into mine. I rummaged through the car and found a tin of mints with "Grumpy Git Mints" written on it. Seemed suitable. "Valuable mints." I said and pushed them at him. He waved us through. Trust me as you read this that encounter lasted for a great deal longer than you're probably thinking. Words cannot describe what a properly miserable experience the Kazakstan border.

Friday, 31 July 2009
Kazakhstan
We'd heard news through the Rally Team grapevine that the Mongolian border guards weren't being paid and that the border was closed. Not good news. Not good at all.

On the plus side I saw a man is herding goats on a camel so swings and roundabouts.

Satursday, 1 August 2009
Kazakhstan
Tweet > 2pm. Someones car isn't starting so they're off to get some new spark plugs. Fingers crossed.
Tweet > Why is it raining in Kazakstan? Surely that can't be right.
Tweet > Must have been on this road for over four hours without a single bend.
Tweet > Eagles are soaring above us.
Tweet > We've just clocked our 4000th mile. We're halfway to Mongolia.
Tweet > This road is amazing. Much smoother than the M4. Honestly.
Tweet > Every 15 minutes or so people are camped out on what is essentially a motorway selling watermelons. I can't imagine they sell many.
Tweet > Hot dogs wrapped in tortilla with American mustard. Best campfood yet. Wish I'd dropped less on the floor though.

Sunday, 2 August 2009
Kazakhstan
Tweet > Having spent yesterday travelling North to avoid an awful road; today we get to travel East towards Aktobe.
Tweet > In a cafe in Aktobe. Seven hours driving in a straight line.
Tweet > Really feeling sorry for John. Stuck in Prague and now the hostel has lost his passport.

Tweet Pic > The view of our cars out of the cafe window.


Tweet Pic > My tired face.


Tweet Pic > Another hole. At least this one flushes.


Tweet Pic > Street scene.


Tweet > Time to get a little closer to Aral (not to be confused with Oral which is where we started off from this morning)
Tweet > 11:30pm and we've pulled off the main road, away from some shanty towns and into a... field.
Tweet > Oh... and we just saw either a jet or a UFO. Not sure which.

Monday, 3 August 2009
Kazakhstan
Pleased we have our petrol canisters with us as the last two petrol stations we passed had run out of fuel.

We stopped in the worlds dustiest town and saw a pudgy faced baby.

Tuesday, 4 August 2009
Kazakhstan
An amazing driving through some of Kazakh desert. We drove into the darkenes with desert wolves (not the technical name i'm sure) around us. Finally getting to the edges of the desert we came across a house and the people sitting on the porch beckoned us over. We joined them for a midnight feast of gherkins and vodka. A lot of gherkins. A lot of vodka. We slept on the porch which was covered it a LOT of moths.

Wednesday, 5 August 2009
Kazakhstan
Headed towards Baikonur. By 2am we were still driving. 16 hours and counting.
3am and we stopped to sleep. We're pretty sure it's a landfill site. We have warm gin and tonic. It's been a LONG day. Warmed by a pair of Andrew's trainers burning merrily on the path.

Thursday, 6 August 2009
Kazakhstan
We stayed on the M32 towards Shimkent. Got some petrol, had a breakfast of what we thought may have been lamb ribs and signed the garage owner's fridge. Got stopped by the police fairly early in the day and showed our documents.

On the way we continuted to see people selling watermelons by the side of the road and figured it was about time to buy one. Figures were drawn in the sand and as far as we could make out they were asking for about fifty dollars. Perhaps they thought we wanted to buy the van. We handed over the equivalent of a couple of dollars and for some reason this seemed to equate to about ten massive watermelons. In a cramped car, or indeed even for a big car that's really nine too many watermelons.

Knackered we treated ourselves to a four star hotel. £10 a person.

Sunday, 9 August 2009
Kyrgyzstan
Kyrgystan gets the vote for the most beautiful country.


Kieran, my co-rallyer was not really enjoying the trip so far as we disagreed on the issue of whether it was best to travel in a big convoy for both safety and the camadery whereas I felt that a big convoy makes it feel like a package holiday with all the best experiences we'd had (sleeping on a porch in Kazakzstan and feasting with their family), we'd had because it was just a few of us. The trip is changed, I argued, by turning up en-masse. Kieran got a flight from a local airport and went home. Just me in the car now, though thankfully continuuing to tag along with Cat and Andy. God bless Cat and Andy.

Monday, 10 August 2009
Kyrgyzstan
The car really struggled going up the mountains due to the lack of oxygen. Foot down on the accelerator and you'd get nothing faster than twenty miles and hour. In Bishkek we watched the second music fountain of the trip (the other being in Ukraine). We heard through the Mongol Rally Grapevine (tm) that a team had crossed Mongolia in four days. That gave us hope. We camped in the mountains and it was amazing.

Tuesday, 11 August 2009
Kyrgyzstan > Kazakhstan
Woke up in the stunning mountains. Needed to get to the Kyrgyzstan/Kazakhstan border this morning. It's still over 1000km to Mongolian border and we need to get there for Thursday which sounds like hard work.

We got the border and it only took an hour and half to get through. That made it a very good day indeed.

Wednesday, 12 August 2009
Kazakhstan
Today was the first day i'd needed the Immodium. I knew when I was eating it that buying a meat kebab from the roadside wasnt' a good idea but it was so tasty. I was now paying the price.

Spent the evening drinking vodka with a Kazakzstan army. They gave us some spare epaulette stars which was nice, but equally they did say if we filmed them they'd kill us. The soliders signed their names all over the car (and some signed the inside). They invited us back to the barracks but i'm afraid we erred on the of caution and chose not to take them up on their kind offer.

Thursday, 13 August 2009
Kazakhstan > Russia
We drove for 16 hours yesterday and with just 5 hours sleep we had another long day ahead. Tough going.

We got to the border at Shamanaika and got out of Kazakhstan in around an hour and a half, but sadly a further six and a half hours to get through the Russian side back into Russia for the final time.

In shock news: Northern Russia absolutely freezing.

Friday, 14 August 2009
Kazakhstan > Russia (Altai Region)
23 hour day. 1 hour sleep in car. Back inroads.

We came across a lovely chalet type hotel just 500km from Siberia. Nice but cold. Two jumpers on.

Saturday, 15 August 2009
Russia (Altai Region)
So chalet was so nice and the border didn't open on Saturday so we decided to stay for another day. We had lunch with a helicopter pilot who flew over Chernobyl. It didn't do his health much good. Spent the morning playing catch with Mr and Mrs Kim's son by the river. Melon and tea for breakfast.

Sunday, 16 August 2009
Russia
Up at 4.50am and the drive to the border.

Sixteen hours to wait at the Russian / Mongolian border. Lots of kids holding out their hands for stuff. Understandable perhaps but there's no gratitude and they just hold out their hands for more and more stuff and try open your car door to get more.

Occasionally people drive up to the border and put their arms through the barbed wire and have a photo taken. Not sure why. Perhaps it's their 'Look at me, i'm in Mongolia' picture - even though they're not, they're just in a part of the Russian border.

Monday, 17 August 2009
Russia > Mongolia (almost)
It's 7am and SOOO cold. No sign of any border guards. The border finally opened at 9am. I went to a little box with the V5 form. Long wait to get a stamp on a small sheet of paper. You're supposed to get it stamped if you have been in the Altai region for longer than three working days - which we were. The man in the office pointed at the blank space where the stamp wasn't. I did the international dance for 'No Hotel. No stay. Just drive. Hello. Have been at the border since Saturday."

10am and a big bus drove past and went straight in. No sign of any cars being let through yet.

Finally... Finally... Finally we got through to the Mongolian Border and confusion reigned supreme.

Tweet > 7am. No sign of border guards. Shaking with cold.
Tweet > Okay, perhaps 9am?
Tweet > 11am. Nothing much happening.
Tweet > Waiting for Mongolians to finish lunch so we can progress through next bit.
Tweet > 16:45 Cars in "warehouse" (concrete square with four foot fence). May have to sleep in cold again. No one knows what's going on.
Tweet > The Adventurists are 100% useless.
Tweet > A night in a car park in minus five because the adventurists don't stay on top of things.
Tweet > Car stuck a customs we've walked into town and we're drinking vodka in a ger.
Tweet > It's snowing.
Tweet > Drinking with a Mongilian who is doing the universal sign-language for "Don't tell the wife I smoke or I'm a dead man".

Tuesday, 18 August 2009
Mongolia
Tweet > Woken up in room in Mongolia. No wind so not as cold today. Hot in room because of poo stove.
Tweet > Making our presence felt in customs by putting various things through the x-ray machine.
Tweet > We're stuck in limbo. Can't get back into Russia and can't get car into Mongolia.
Tweet > Border guard said we could only cross the border at lunchtime. A while later he took a bite from an apple and we all pointed at him, sho ...
Tweet > Lighting fire from vodka soaked t-shirt.
Tweet > Vodka, Sprite and baked beans cooked with yak poo. Just more of the same.
Tweet > A signature has been obtained from some Mongolian MP. We now await a stamp. May leave tomorrow. Perhaps

Wednesday, 19 August 2009
Mongolia
Tweet > Day five: Embassy now involved. Government official MIA.
Tweet > A small victory. Bullied the customs people into making us a cup of tea.
Tweet > Customs people all gone to lunch. Everyone (without exception) now ready to kill Tom Morgan the chief idiot from the Adventurists.
Tweet > We believe the paperwork may be signed and stamped but not just anyone can fax it... Oh no... Some minister needs to do it.
Tweet > Four rally teams have now blocked the border gates with their cars until we're let free.
Tweet > We've been told we can pay a bribe of $70 per car but we don't reckon that would get you the proper paperwork anyway.
Tweet > We are five minutes from freedom.
Tweet > Ladies and gentleman the car is in Momgolia.
Tweet > Ears are hurting a little because of the altitude.

Sunday, 23 August 2009
Mongolia
Tweet > Have arrived at the last town before UB.
Tweet > Lots of signs to UB now. About 200km to go. Cooking pasta.
Tweet > How can we not find a whole capital city?
Tweet > 9576 miles and have arrived in UB.

Monday, 24 August 2009
Mongolia
Tweet > Off to the finish line this afternoon. Trying to figure out what to pack to bring home.
Tweet > Feels strange seeing lots of people.
Tweet > Looking at a menu. Steamed sheep's head is only three pounds for a full head.
Tweet > I have ordered horse. May be a non-starter.
Tweet > Horse penis goes well with gherkin.
Tweet > We've still not visited the finish line so techicallly we've not finished.
Tweet > At finish line chatting to equally tired teams.

Tuesday, 25 August 2009
Mongolia
Tweet > Final full day in UB. Will try and head over to CNCF.
Tweet > Bags packed. Off to CNCF,
Tweet > I don't want to leave Ted the car behind.
Tweet > About to go and sign over the car.
Tweet > I'm sad to leave Ted the car.
Tweet > Yesterday in UB. (picture)
Tweet > Finish line. (picture)
Tweet > This menu says Gordon Blue and not Cordon Bleu.
Tweet > Waiting for food.... Hotel in about three hours. So tired.

Wednesday, 26 August 2009
England
Tweet > Plane has landed at Heathrow.

Thursday, 27 August 2009
England
Tweet > The day after I returned. Slightly less dirty, still tired, two stone lighter and bad stomach.